Change and pain are your intimate teachers

Nov 09, 2022

@geralt at Pixabay

Those who have tried to change something important in their lives, or something that has been stuck for a long time, know very well how hard it is to change. However, Change is all around us, it is the one basic and primary immovable force of the universe. So, just maybe it is our clinging, conscious or unconscious, that creates the resistance, and therefore the pain…and who knows what kind of monsters can lure there!

I Chose to Learn a Skill

I have been trying to change something that is crucial for my success. I am a fairly disciplined person, yet I find I am a fool when attempting to change something that is seemingly simple and straightforward. I want to be proficient and professional in how I schedule my time and achieve all that I set myself to accomplish every day. For over ten months now, I’ve been attempting to do just that. I set myself objectives for the month, break those down into weekly aims and every morning I schedule those in my calendar.

Image from https://tricycle.org/beginners/buddhism/who-was-the-buddha/

After ten months, if at the end of the day I have accomplished 50% of the scheduled objectives, I could consider my day almost extraordinary; but I feel like a flop. Most times, when I finish the day, I don’t have the energy to do the cashback (auditing for the working day). Compared to my peers I am doing great, for the whole year, I have reached the third-ranking position in the company and I am earning a living. At the end of the day, the future is a judgmental father (Jordan Peterson) and my progress is so small that I only feel discouraged.

Challenge the obstacle

A few weeks back, what did I do? I was exasperated with myself, so I sat down and began to ask questions. Some answers were not pleasant, but more questions arose. What is this weight I am carrying that does not let me advance? If “I am the only one accountable”, why is that scary? Who will I let down if I am not successful? Why do I really want to do this? These may seem simple questions, however I undressed my motives completely and made myself vulnerable; if you do that, the answers will challenge the mask you call You. It will not be pleasant; it will be challenging.

Through the answers I found some interesting connections. Answering questions I posted, I have uncovered some interesting relations that I was not expecting. I thought it was going to be magical; however, speed has not picked-up, I seemed to reach my top speed at 50% success rate. Damn!

Then, an insight

Somehow, the whole thing wasn’t for me to know myself deeper or be more in tune with my limitations and accept them. The day something sank in, I had a tense day, conflict with clients and other stuff that wasn’t directly related to my doing or performance. I was trying to resolve situations and I didn’t control the solutions, so things were outside of my area of influence; it just was a stressful day.

The next morning while writing, I paused. Maybe the whole thing is for me to acquire grit and develop a skill – I said to myself. This dragging sense of not accomplishing, may be trying to teach me something else: training my resolve; my patience and perseverance. What an insight!

We are a culture that has been breastfed on fast results and quick fixes. From films that show in two hours how detectives catch a criminal, or how a normal person is successful battling against all odds that oppose him, or the woman confronted with a challenge becomes a heroin. Teenagers question their sexual orientation if things go wrong in an intimate relationship in a couple of months. We have become a soft and pampered culture that believe the answer to our conflicts or disappointments can be easily resolved with three easy payments of $39,95 or a sex operation.

Failure is like imminent death; it can be a teacher. “There are things that nag man more than death” or failure for that matter.

@Acquaforte at Pixabay

What if… heaven can only be found in this life?

If you stayed wherever you are at the present moment for twenty years, I mean the job that you have, the place that you live, the quality of intimate relationship or lack of that you are currently in…how would you feel? Would you be grateful? Can you bring yourself to be grateful for it?

Sure, we can be more, we yearn to be more. But are you willing to sacrifice what you need to, to get to what you aspire? Will you strive for your ideal? I once realized if you cannot make a heaven of what you have here now and today, you will not get there in the afterlife. You see, heaven and hell are not two separate realities; they are two different experiences of the same reality. Heaven is being in the presence of God Almighty completely naked, it can be a heavenly experience or just a plainfull hell. Your choice is to make a heaven with the pieces from the hell we live in. Gratefulness, vision and willingness are what get you in with a feeble first step. But once you enter the party, you will not want to leave.